“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin”*
Mother Teresa
Tree-skiing may sound like a death wish, but some skiers love the risk of skiing virgin powder through a forest of as- pen or spruce. The key, of course, is not hitting the trees. And that can be tricky. What you focus on in the woods becomes even more important than the deep snow or drifts. Look at the spaces between the trees—the exits where you hope to be traveling. Or, in the words of ex- treme skiing world champion, Kim Reichelm: “Don’t stare at what you don’t want to hit.”
Jesus taught: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteous- ness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matt. 6:33. He was saying that our focus becomes our reality. A good lesson to learn. What we center our thoughts on de- fines who we are.
Don’t stare at what we don’t want to hit! Rather, focus on where we want to go—what we can control and the type of person we want to be. Part of our task during this time period is to identify what we have control over (what we can influence), and act upon those things.
Both positive and negative emotions are an integral part of who we are, and we experience a myriad of them daily. Emotions are neither good nor bad—they just are. A baby has four at birth: sad, glad, mad, and fear. They are all linked to survival. They are not to be ignored, nor are they to rule, so how do we respond to them? While at times we may feel like our emotions own us—that is not the case. I think all of us have had those moments or even days when we feel like we are holding a stick, and everybody looks like a pinata!
If we are not controlling our own thoughts, feelings, and emotions then we are being controlled by the events and people around us.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, under- stand, and choose how we think, feel, and act. That being said, we must acknowledge our emotional responses over the past few months vary from individual to individual and have been and continue to be all over the map. Some com- mon emotions during a time of uncertainty are nervous- ness, numbness, excitement, sadness, fatigue, or anger.
Whenever stress rises the human brain switches to auto pilot and has an inherent tendency to do more of the same, only harder. Consequently, if my emotional response to stress is becoming nervous, fatigued, or angry, then the mind will have a tendency to continue to repeat that re- sponse even if doing so is counterproductive.
Our goal is not to avoid or numb our feelings—just to dial them back when they begin to interfere with life functioning, our moral compass, or relationships. The process is really quite simple, and only requires a few minutes. However, it can have profound results. Dr. Marylene Cloitre, the founder of Skill Training in Affective and Interpersonal Regulation, calls this “dialing back” grounding and this can be done in one (or more) of three ways:
Physical Grounding
Mental Grounding
Soothing Grounding
Briefly stated, physical grounding requires touch. When the emotion begins to overwhelm, grab anything within reach (not a person!) and focus on it. Without rushing ask yourself what color is it, what shape is it, is it light or heavy, does it have writing on it, does it have any time of smell, is it cold or hot, does light reflect off of it, does it make a sound…?
When the mind is focused in this manner for a few minutes, the emotional tension can relax and we can reboot so to speak.
Mental grounding occurs with a small but consuming mental challenge. For example:
- Count backwards from 100.
- Look around the room and find objects that begin with the same letter.
- Try to remember all the birthdates of your family members.
- Starting with kindergarten or 1st grade, name all of the teachers you had in school.
The final method, soothing grounding, involves something that may take a little more time but is often favored. Choose an activity that you find quieting. For example:
• Meditation: There are wonderful programs online including Calm, UCLA Mindful, and Headspace. An example is to take a few moments in a quiet place if possible to focus on your breathing. Count slowly to eight at you inhale and count slowly to eight as you exhale. Repeat that about ten times.
• Listen to your favorite music • Bake your favorite cookies
• Take a quick nap
• Look at a book of art
• Read a chapter in a book • Take a bubble bath
• Paint, sew, knit, walk
Never forget that you own your feelings. You own your thoughts. You control both. No one can take them from you or control them unless you give permission.
Resources
*Find out more about Mother Theresa and the peace she exercised at www.motherteresa.org.
Crystal Raypole, 30 Grounding Techniques to Quiet Distressing Thoughts, May, 24, 2019, https://www.healthline.com/health/ grounding-techniques
Dianne Sweeney and Michelle Fevre, Coping with COVID-19: Two Simple Grounding Exercises to Reduce Stress, April 3, 2020, https://www.dianesweeney.com/coping-with-covid-19-two-simple-grounding-exercises-to-reduce-stress/
Biblical Passages: Matthew 6:33, Psalm 85:8, John 14:27, Philippians 4:6-7
Food for Thought: What are some situations you should admit you have no control over? Use one of the soothing behaviors that we shared to see if you can find some peace in times of uncertainty.