“Of all of men’s miseries the bitterest is this: to know so much and to have control over nothing.”
Herodotus*
As human beings we thrive on predictability, on feel- ing in control. If we don’t have this, depression re- sults. For all of us our sense of normalcy and power to maintain a routine changed almost overnight. Our ability to go to work, attend public worship, go shop- ping, eat out, or even visit neighbors—habits that had defined our lives were altered. We soon discovered that the only thing we can control is how we respond- ed to a new worldview. The idea that we could really control anything or anyone else is just an illusion—a powerful illusion—but just an illusion and a hard lesson to learn.
When we are intent on controlling things beyond our own responses, then fear, anxiety, disappointment, anger, and even depression often result. That makes perfect sense when we stop and think about it but that’s the issue—often we DON’T pause to think about it. Our minds churn and the things that we can’t control are tossed around with the things we can control—rather like a bowl of spaghetti, and this produces an overwhelming thought pattern rather like a tidal wave in our minds.
When that occurs, as it does for all of us at times, emotion can eclipse logic. Still at other times, we are totally consumed by the events and people in our
lives . Even though we can’t control them, those inter- actions play over and over in our minds like an old bro- ken record. In either scenario, we feel out of control and the end result is fear and anxiety.
Part of our task during this time is to differentiate be-tween what we can and cannot control. Granted, this sense of helplessness varies for all of us, but one thing we have in common is the tendency to ruminate on the things we cannot change.
Some of you may recall the movie Bridge of Spies with Tom Hanks. It was an incredible true story about a lawyer who was brokering deals for hostages with the Soviet Union during the Cold War in the 1950s.
Hanks played the main character, James Donovan, who was given the job of defending a Russian spy by the name of Rudolf Abel. Throughout the movie, Abel faced an uphill battle because he was hated equally by both American and Russians as a spy who got caught on U.S. soil. Throughout his time spent in prison, dur- ing his trial and in the hostage negotiations Abel remained stoic and showed little emotion.
Each time it looked like Abel was out of options during one of these ordeals Donovan would ask, “Aren’t you worried?” And every time Abel would offer the dead- pan response, “Would it help?” Faced with difficult circumstances his cool demeanor made you like the character a little more each time he said this even though he was a Soviet spy.
Think about it for a minute…
Things will never be like they were before the pandemic. Aren’t you worried?
Would it help?
Your children are not getting the education they need because schools are operating in a different way. Aren’t you worried?
Would it help?
What if your parents or child who is at risk contracts COVID? Aren’t you worried?
Would it help?
What if your company has to downsize and you lose your job? Aren’t you worried?
Would it help?
Others aren’t following the rules for social distancing or wearing masks. Aren’t you worried?
Would it help?
There seems to be little or no integrity or respect for others in our government. Aren’t you worried?
Would it help?
What if the flu makes the pandemic worse and we must go into a complete lockdown to suppress the number of cases? Aren’t you worried?
Would it help?
It’s not that these issues don’t matter. It is just that we have no control over them. Perhaps it would be helpful to make your own list of things or people that you are concerned about. When your mind begins to ruminate on any of them, pause a minute and ask yourself— “Does this help?”
Perhaps Paul’s advice to the Philippians speaks to all of us ,
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understand- ing, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7
Resources
*Herodotus, The Histories (book 9)
Matt Charman, Ethan Coen, Joel Coen, The Bridge of Spies, 2015. available on amazon.com
Margarita Tartakovsky M.S., “Coping with What You Can’t Control”, October 2017, https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with- what-you-cant-control#1
Biblical References: Philippians 4:6-7, John 14:27, Philippians 3:13-14, 1 Peter 5:7
Food for Thought: Make your own list of the events and people that churn in your mind. The next time your thoughts begin to swirl around them just ask yourself, “Does this help?”